God ordained moments, accumulating, safety nets & scattered thoughts.

"Lift up your face, my child. You are Mine. You have been redeemed. Now go live in a manner worthy of your calling."

These are the the things the Lord has been breathing into my soul and whispering into my heart.

All or nothing. Those words encompass so much of how my heart is wired. If I go into something halfhearted or simply give an offering of leftovers, it will not last. Even when something is fueled by passion and good intentions, there is a danger of the fire dying out and not being rekindled. 

So sometimes God breaks down my walls of entitlement brick by brick...and sometimes they seem to come crashing down in waves of injustice and brokenness.

Saturday was one of those moments. Sitting in the back of the tap tap after a full day in the heat, my entire being was overwhelmed and fed up.

Perspectives destroyed my ignorance. Haiti has ruined my complacency and satisfaction with the things that are temporary. I am ruined for a comfortable life in America. I'm scared to return because "I'm afraid I'll run back to the things I hate." Being consumed by entertainment, accumulating clothes, instant gratification...I don't want to waste my life when there is so much injustice and darkness apart from the Gospel. How merciful is God to continue pursuing us though we are so blind! 

Oh God, ruin me for the things of this world. Wreck my life that I might find true Life in You. Bring me to my knees, lift my face to You. This body, this soul is stained with dirt and tears and brokenness. May I never become immune to suffering. May I never lose the fire that is seen by so many as naive and unrealistic and pointless. May I fight for the things You fight for. May I be a mother to the abandoned and a safe place for the broken.

Protect me from returning to a life that is mine. A life consumed by extravagance while those around me starve. Continue to remove the veil from my eyes. Continue to refine me, break me, mold me like clay to Your Will and Truth. May the desires of my heart be in line with Your Glory.

For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. 

James 1:11 

For the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. 

James 1:25 

Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and in their position as believers and to inherit the kingdom which He has promised to those who love Him?

James 2:5 AMP